Friday morning, March 6th, 2009, nine days past my due date. I do a few things around the house, including pumping for a while (till the pump finally broke – Yes, I officially broke the pump, I own a new one now), and take apart the car seat to wash it. I then change and get ready to take a walk to help induce labor. Just then Peter comes home from class. It’s near 2pm, and I ask him if he would like to come with. So Peter, Nutmeg and I take a long walk through UNT campus. It is a beautiful sunny day, the weather is perfect.
We are mostly quiet during the walk. At one point I confess to Peter how I have concerns that if I am not able to go into labor naturally, or be induced via the birthing center way (since they had tried once already and it was a no go) that I may have to go to the hospital to be induced and that was a frightening idea since I had so desperately wanted a natural birth with a midwife. Peter understood my concerns and comforts me without denying my emotions. I always appreciate his thoughtfulness.
We begin our way back home. While walking down a small hill to cross the street I suddenly feel a gush of fluid and my heart practically stops. I grab Peter and say, “My water just broke!” I am in shock, I never expected to be someone whose water broke and then labor started. Peter asks if I want to stay there and he would come pick me up with the car and I say, “No, walking home is probably a good idea.” I am so excited, I instantly call Alysa (my sister who lives in Austin 4 hours away) and tell her the news.
We get home, and my dad is in the living room resting on the couch and mom is in the kitchen and I say, “Wake up, my water just broke.” My mom instantly appears in the living room with a big smile, and they both say, “Really!”
I call the midwife and tell her that I think my water broke and she says, “Better get you in here and check you out.” Before leaving the house, I take a shower, stupidly put on makeup and a sun-dress and finish putting my bag together, all the while mild to moderate contractions are setting in. I am so annoyed with myself for not having put my bag together prior to this, though I had it all on top of my dresser waiting to be packed, it is just not what you want to do while you are in labor.
From there Peter and I leave for the birthing center. When we get there Lynne asks if my water had broke, and I say yes. She tells me to go put on a depends (sexy, huh?) and tells us to wait for Jean. A couple from our childbirth class were in the exam room with Jean, they walk out and congratulate me. I could barely muster a smile at that point; I was leaning over in pain from a contraction.
Jean leads us into the exam room and checks my cervix, I am dilated to three but I am almost fully effaced. She tells me that the bag of water is still intact and that I must have just peed on myself, but that either way I was in labor. I tell her if that was pee that was the most I’ve peed in a long time. We talk a bit further and she advises us to go home and labor until Betty would arrive at the birth center at 7pm.
By the time we get home, around 4 PM, my contractions are very consistent, five minutes apart and fairly uncomfortable. I am somewhat disappointed to be going home, but also glad to be back in the comfort of my house. Peter puts on some music and I get on all fours on the bed and rock through my contractions. By 6 PM my contractions have gained a considerable level of intensity, we pull out the balance ball and the rolling-pin. Peter and mom help me get through my contractions by massaging my lower back through the rushes. Dad is busy taking pictures and eating Churches chicken fingers.
At this point, I am still able to laugh in between contractions. At 6:30 Betty calls to let me know she would be at the birthing center in about in hour. I am starting to get a little concerned, because I feel I am progressing pretty quickly, she reassures me that I will be fine and to hang in there.
It’s 8:30 pm (we were waiting for my sister to arrive from Austin before we left for the birth center) and I am still laboring at home, though I am in a LOT of pain during my contractions. They feel like the worst cramps ever, my muscles in my lower back and abdomen are twisting unbearably with each rush. I also begin to get labor shakes – that cause my whole body shake uncontrollably, from head to toe. Betty, my nurse midwife has called and asked us to please come in, and we agree, by now, we feel we can’t wait any more for my sister to arrive and we leave for the birth center. Mom and I get in the back of the truck and Peter drives. Laboring in the truck is NO fun, I’m glad mom is with me. Fortunately, the birthing center is not that far away. Just as we leave Alysa arrives. Dad and Alysa follow us there.
Arrival at the Birth Center
When I arrive at the birthing center, Betty checks me in the exam room. I am dilated to six and fully effaced! YAY. I settle in the birth room, sit on the birthing ball and ready myself for the next contractions. The room is perfect – Betty has lit candles and turned down the lighting. Peter brings in the iPod and we are listening to Emilou Harris. I remember at one point lying on my side on the bed with Peter behind holding me in his arms. I was in the worst pain I had experienced yet. I kept thinking inside, I’m not sure I can do this, and as soon as I would think that, I would say out loud, “I can do this, my body is created to do this, I have nothing to fear.”
I found that laying on my side was too uncomfortable for me, and it was better for me to move through my contractions. I would squat down or sway from side to side, but the best position was on the birthing ball – as Betty would squeeze my hips together during a contraction.
Just then, I immediately knew I was going to puke, Betty brings the trash can over and, whew, there it all went. At this point, Betty decides to check me again. She said typically puking is a good sign, means your on your way into transition. Sure enough, I am dilated to an 8. Betty suggests I get in the shower or the tub, I know I need the tub. As soon as there was just a little water in it I get in. Mom uses the spray massage on my back while I rock on all fours through the contractions – with a low, loose moan, (kinda like a cow bellowing). For some reason, this vocalization helps me ride the contraction. Once the tub was full, I float through each contraction. I had read that it was good to keep your body completely relaxed during contractions, that it made your body labor faster and helped lessen the pain.
And there is pain for sure. It is about midnight, and it is around this time that I begin to think I am stupid for going natural and that drugs seem like a really good idea right about now. These transition contractions are by FAR the most painful, I can literally feel Zoe pushing down through my body – the pressure in my bottom is almost unbearable. At this point, no one can do anything for me but wait. Again, I puke, Betty gives me medicine to help stop puking. Eventually, I feel a need to push and tell Betty. Betty encourages me to go ahead and try pushing. Sure enough, pushing feels right and that’s what I start to do. Betty calls Charity, the birthing assistant and tells her it is time to arrive.
As a side note, all along, Betty had been checking Zoe’s heart rate. And Zoe was a handling labor like a champ, even through the contractions Zoe’s heart tones remained strong.
It was time to push! I sit up in the tub and lean my chin down to my chest and begin to bare down. It really did feel like I was pooing, all the same muscles are involved, but it’s much harder. Pushing is equally the best feeling in the world and also unnerving, at this point I really feel as though I have NO control over my body. Pushing is the only thing I can do, and I lose all fear. I hold Peter’s hand throughout the entire pushing and birth. I remember Betty telling me that she could see Zoe’s head, and that she has dark hair. She tells me I can put my hand down and touch the tip of her head. I did, this inspired me to push even harder. My baby needs to come out!
Zoe arrives after 27 minutes of pushing. I remember Betty gently coaching me through the rushes, to push longer or harder, and then to slow my breathing down in between. Finally the push came where Zoe begins to crown, Betty and Charity are very excited because Zoe is still in her sack – en caul. They comment on how rare this is and that it is a sign of good luck. I could have cared less at this point. I just nod and keep pushing. But with the very next push, the sack breaks with such a force that it scares me and I stop pushing and my eyes pop open and I look up at Betty, she explains that there is nothing to worry about and that it was just the sack had broken. So I keep pushing. There is a burning sensation when she crowns, but not half as bad as I thought it would be. In one quick motion, Zoe’s head and arm come out together in what’s known as a compound presentation (in fact it was so fast that Betty wasn’t able to finish putting on a clean pair of gloves to catch). Betty tells me to push again, and woosh, Zoe’s whole body comes out.
Feeling Zoe’s body leave mine was the most incredible, indescribable feeling I have ever known. There’s nothing like it in the world. Instantly, Betty scoops up Zoe and places her in my arms. I start bawling of course! As I sit in the warm water of the tub, I fell Zoe’s little body move in my arms. I feel the umbilical cord dangle from Zoe and tug inside of me. Zoe isn’t crying, but cooing and making sweet little sighs, her arms jerking slowly from side to side. It is the most precious, tender moment I ever known. At one point somebody actually asks me if I am okay, because I just can’t stop crying. Zoe is born after ten hours of labor, on March 7, at 12:57 AM.
Once the cord stops pulsating, Betty asks Peter if he wants to cut the cord. He does. Later he tells me it felt hard and took a lot to cut it. I hand Zoe to Peter and they lead me out of the tub in order to push out the placenta. I stand there in the tub shaking, while they take off my wet sports bra and wrap me in white soft towels (I feel so helpless and weak, but completely drunk with happiness). They help me step out of the tub and towards the bed. I am shaking uncontrollably still. I take another step forward towards the bed when, woosh – a gush of blood leaves my body. I am shocked. I am standing naked in a huge puddle of my own blood and it has splashed all over my legs and feet and onto the hardwood floor. What a sight, like some horror flick. Betty immediately explains that everything is fine and that it was gush of blood letting us know the placenta had detached. I keep apologizing, I feel really bad that they have to clean up that mess.
Third Stage, Repair and Nursing
They lay me on the bed and have me push out my placenta. Two gentle pushes and it is out. Then the rough part begins, inspecting my “bottom” to see where I have torn and stitching me up. It takes Betty about 10 minutes to stitch me up. This is a PAINFUL experience. The shots of lidocaine are not nice going in – prick and burn. I feel the tugs of the stitches and the needle, but the worse part is when Betty pulls a stitch through where the lidocaine had not reached. “OOOOOW ow ow ooow” I yell! I make more noise in that moment than in my entire labor, she apologizes immediately but explains that she needs to pull the stitch through and then add more lidocaine. I practices my breathing at this point. They also bring over Zoe so that I could look at her for distraction. VERY HELPFUL.
Once that is all done, it is time to nurse. Charity helps show me how and Zoe latches on perfectly. It is a beautiful moment for me. Throughout this whole time Charity pushes on my stomach to check my bleeding and my uterus, this is uncomfortable but not too bad. Charity continues to comment on how little bleeding I have. This is good news – which I accredit to drinking red raspberry leaf tea from Howling Wolf Energy Herbs.
After Zoe finishes nursing, Betty begins her newborn exam. Zoe is 7 lbs and 6 oz. I’m shocked. I expected her to weigh more, especially because I was overdue by 10 days and at my 41 week ultrasound the technician said Zoe weighed 8 lb and 6 oz. But this again proved that my due date was wrong, otherwise, I think Zoe would have been a bigger baby if I was truly ten days past due. The Dr. in Israel gave me a due date of March 4th and once I was in the states, the ultrasound indicated that my due date was February 24th. Obviously, my Jewish doctor had it going on.
Depends, I say
Meanwhile Betty has two phone calls in a row. Two other moms are in labor and are on their way to the birthing center. Which means they have to get me out of this room fast. So they start to pack up the room, but before I can leave, I have to pee. It’s part of the procedure, to make sure your plumbing is okay you need to pee before you are, no pun intended, discharged. So Charity, the birthing assistant, leads me, stark naked mind you, to the bathroom helps me sit on the toilet and waits with me while I pee. I feel somewhat funny that I am not bothered by the fact that I’m completely naked in front of her and sitting on the toilet to boot. Not exactly the most flattering moment in my life, so I comment on it, and Charity agrees that there is something about childbirth that temporarily takes away all your body worries. So not only did Charity help me to the toilet she also helps to rinse me off and pull up my Depends, yes I did say, “Depends” because of the post pregnancy bleeding they advise you to wear depends the first few days to avoid ruining your favorite pair of granny panties.
From the bathroom, Charity takes me into the main room and my midwife and Alysa help dress me. I keep asking when I can go home. But there’s a requirement that you have to stay at least two hours post delivery. So they lead me to the office where they’ve made up the pull out bed, the first time it’s needed to be used I’m told (since the other two rooms are being prepped for the other moms coming in). Charity comes in and reads me all sorts of stuff and has me sign all sorts of things. Peter has left to get the car (since we came in Dad’s truck and the car seat is in our car) and also bring me an egg sandwich back. So I’m eating the sandwich and talking with Charity, mom is holding Zoe and Peter taking stuff out to the car. Once the car seat was ready, we put Zoe in the seat, she is soooo, sooo tiny, and we head out the door.
I get home and I am in la-la-land. I can’t believe that I have just birthed my child. I post a note on Facebook, step on my bathroom scale, I am already down 20 lbs, and go to bed. Though I can hardly sleep. There she is, Zoe, perfect little Zoe, like a little cherub, asleep. The most amazing day of my life ended with the most amazing gift possible, a beautiful, healthy little girl and she’s all mine (and Peter’s too).
Thanks be to God.