Radio Silence

16 Jun

Things have been difficult lately.  Noah cries all day long, for the most part.  I am feeling like a captive in my own home.  I love him, no question.  (And I’m not looking for advice on colicky babies – gentle thanks.) But I am looking forward to being out of the newborn stage. It’s okay for me to admit that I don’t really enjoy the infant stage very much.  I love being a mom, but this puts the heart in a humble place.

With that in mind, I stumbled upon a comment I posted on this blog:

“Sam Phillips has this great song where she sings, “Help is coming, one day late.” I know that sense of feeling like God is a day late and a dollar short. Somehow even in those moments I stumble about with my heart bleeding saying to God that, “I believe, but forgive my unbelief.” Over the Rhine has a song too, where they sing, “I’m not letting go, I’m just losing my grip.” I remind myself that I’m not responsible for being my own superhero when it comes to managing my faith, because I believe that God’s okay with my honest heart and my broken faith. There is tremendous value in sifting through the questions that moments of despair lead us to. God already knows what’s in our heart and it takes sifting for us to realize our own humanity.”

5 Responses to “Radio Silence”

  1. Angi Farris June 16, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    Just remember you’re not alone. I didn’t like the infant/newborn stage either. It’s something a lot of mothers are not likely to admit, for reasons I don’t understand. Even though I’m finished having babies and my youngest is 6, I still don’t miss that stage. I look at new moms and think of how strong we have to be both mentally and physically in those months when we are so “weak”. Weak from lack of sleep and having no answers to so many questions. Why is he crying? What else can I possibly do? Will this ever end? When will I feel pretty again? When was the last time I had on real clothes and not PJ’s? How are we out of toilet paper already? :) You’ve been through it once before, so I know you know ‘This too shall pass’. Just hang on to Hope, even if your grip gets loose and you need backup support grips. Before you know it he will be a chubby, smiley, sleep through the night kinda kid. You’ll feel pretty again, have on real clothes and be stocked up on toilet paper, never to run out until the kids are grown :)

  2. Angie June 16, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    Big hugs, Joy! Hang in there!

    • Angie June 16, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

      Also: I’m sure you’re doing an awesome job!

  3. Des June 17, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

    I love your comment Joy, it actually spoke to me tonight. Loves to you and our fussy babies! We’ll survive and be more awesome because of it!

  4. Bethany June 27, 2011 at 9:19 pm #

    Thank you for that!

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