I really loved breastfeeding both my children, the benefits and the ease and the simplicity, and oh those tender bonding times untouched by the world. Ah, sweet bliss.
But, I was done. D.O.N.E. (Imagine me saying “done” with my eyes bugging out of my head, and waving my arms around in circles like a mad scientist with crazy hair who hasn’t slept in years.)
Sixteen months into it, my breastfeeding relationship with my son was starting to take a toll on our mother/child bonding relationship. You see, I was no longer happily breastfeeding, a lot of times I was just plain-ol’ resentfeeding (I just made that word up, but you’ll know it if you’ve done it).
I really needed to focus on taking care of my needs. (You can read bits of that experience here, here and here.) In order to properly love my family I needed to pick my burnt-out self off the ground and get my groove back, for the sake of my sanity, for the sake of both my children, for the sake of my husband, and for me. Quite honestly, I knew that the first step in focusing on my own needs involved weaning my son. (Gulp.)
And while I understand the WHO recommendations of nursing a child till they’re at least two (you can read about that here), I also know that a healthy breastfeeding relationship should continue for as long as both mother and baby desire. Both.
You see, I would step into the living room, hoping to sit down and enjoy my kids, play with my daughter and son together, and upon setting eyes on me, Noah would simply burst into frantic screams until I nursed him.
This happened all the time: happy baby boy without momma around, the moment momma comes near, unhappy baby till boobies arrive – even if he nursed five minutes ago.
I could no longer handle the emotional and physical hesitation I felt approaching my son anymore. It wasn’t fair to him! In my heart I knew what I needed to do.
Mother-led weaning, with gentle compassion for my son, but also gentle compassion for me as a mom. (Yes, I deserve that much! We all do!)
My personal goal was to breastfeed Noah till he was 18 months old, and or finished with teething, whichever came first (nothing soothes a cranky, teething baby faster than a little nursing session) and at 16 months Noah’s teeth had all arrived (two-year molars withstanding, those started at 20 months).
Here’s how we approached gentle mother-led weaning in my home.
Nursing my son for the first time moments after giving birth. He’s eating, and I’m eating too. This is my mom feeding me my postbirth hamburger. I like to call this ‘generational feeding.’
Plan of Action
First I made a plan, and gave myself about 8 weeks to fully wean Noah. I decided not to implement a new phase until the first phase was successful for at least a five days or more. Here’s what worked best for our home:
- Remove random feeds scattered throughout the day that don’t follow a pattern.
- Remove morning feed.
- Remove feeds before naps and bed-time. (Starting first with naps, then moving onto bed-time.)
- Remove night-time comfort feeds.
- Be flexible and go slow. Give extra special care and attention to help my child adjust peacefully through these changes.
Phase 1 – Random Feeds
At 16 months old, Noah was breastfeeding around ten times a day, if not more. My goal was to cut back his nursing sessions to about six feeds a day. That meant we needed to cut back on the breastfeeding that happened randomly in a day, like when he would fuss, or fall down, or want a snack, or just hollar at me for boobie, “Maaaaaaaaaa, the boobies!”
I felt these would be the easiest to replace with distractions, like a sippy cup of water, a toy to play with, or a bite of fruit (if he was hungry). What Noah did not want instead of nursing, though, were cuddles from me. Having mommy so close and not having “a nurse” (that’s what we call it in our house) only frustrated him.
Believe it or not, phasing out those extra nursing sessions were simple as pie. Noah didn’t seem to even notice the change-up and responded well to the alternatives. (Whew!)
Phase 2 – Morning Feed
The next step was removing the morning feed. No sweat! Instead of my husband bringing Noah to my bed to nurse when he woke up (we stopped co-sleeping when Noah was 9 months old), Peter simply brought Noah to his high chair, offered our boy a sippy cup with water and a yummy hot breakfast. (Noah does not like cows milk, almond milk, coconut milk, you name it. So, water it is. We supplement with cheese and kefir/yogurt.) Sweet boy was happy as a clam with that change. Not even a bit of fuss over that.
Big sister loved to nurse her baby too whenever mommy fed Noah.
Phase 3 – Sleepy Time Feeds
The next step was to remove the sleepy time nursing sessions prior to his two daily naps and bed time. We did this by really focusing on our routine before bed.
We’ve had a bed-time routine since Noah was about 9 months old. And the last step of our routine always included nursing Noah till he was this close to being asleep (and then I laid him down in his crib). The plan was to simply remove the last step in the routine (yeah, easier said than done, I know!) and give extra cuddles and lullabies instead.
I read him a book, sang lots of songs, said bed-time prayers, and gave all those warm mommy lovin’s in the rocking chair. I did add a new “lovie” to the bed-time routine (a little yellow blanket), and I also offered Noah a sippy cup with water to hold during our bed-time routine, he would take sips from that here and there while we sang and read books.
This stage was a little touchy for about three days – the worst being the first day. Noah fussed and let me know he wanted to nurse. However, I committed to comforting his heart with extra mommy love instead of nursing. I knew there really wasn’t an easy or quick fix to this stage, only through it. (Just like labor, ladies!)
After about three to five minutes of fussiness and tears for a few nights, Noah would settle into me and relax, allowing himself to be soothed by my touch and voice. After three days, we successfully transitioned out of those sleepy-time feeds.
Flexibility
After cutting out those feeds, we were left with just our night-time comfort sessions. Things were moving on as planned.
Then we had a curve ball. Noah suddenly showed signs that he wanted to nurse in the afternoon, usually after his second nap of the day around 4 PM.
I believe in following my children’s cues whenever inherently possible. Since none of my distraction techniques worked to keep Noah from wanting to nurse late in the afternoon, I made peace with the extra session. I think he liked the cuddle time after his nap and it appeared he was hungry. I was fine with this, I knew we we’re taking things slowly.
However, after a few days, it seemed like Noah was happy to have a snack instead of an afternoon nurse. At 4 PM he and his sister (to this day they still do this) sit at the table together and enjoy apple slices, or carrot sticks and humus, or whatever sounds yummy and won’t spoil dinner. This has become a regular routine in our home – Zoe and Noah’s 4 PM snack time and mommy’s cup of coffee!
One of my favorite candid shots of me nursing Noah. A picnic with friends on the square in Denton, TX.
Phase 4 – Mid-Night Comfort Sessions
The next step was to cut back on the comfort sessions in the middle of the night. I’ll be honest these were the ones that had me worried the most. When Noah woke up at night crying, it was so easy to simply pick him up, nurse him and viola, two minutes later he was back in dreamland, which meant I got to go there too just as quickly.
Weaning him off of those nightly comfort sessions took some effort on my part. I had to make peace with the reality that I would be up for at least 15 minutes each time he woke. It was challenging, but not any harder than it was to remove the feeds prior to his daily naps – it’s just that in the middle of the night we were both really tired and less patient.
But I stuck with, we stuck with it, Noah and me. I talked to him all through it telling him what was happening and why, and how much I loved him and how he could have mommy cuddles any time he wanted, but that nursing had to go bye-bye. Our children understand far more than what we give them credit for and it’s very important that we talk them through these types of changes.
At night, I would pick Noah up in my arms, sit in the rocker and sing to him, patting his bottom all the while. Sometimes I would offer a sippy cup of water if he seemed thirsty.
(FYI, my miracle cure to stop Noah’s tears were, and still are, songs with short, choppy, rhythmic words sung in staccato style. As soon as I start singing this way, he quiets down and falls asleep – no matter how loud he’s crying.)
However, If Noah didn’t calm down after trying all those things within 5-10 minutes of me offering other options, I’ll would then offer him the breast, just until he calmed his little soul down (not till he fell asleep), then once he stopped crying, I would unlatch him, cuddle him close, sing to him, and then lay him down once he showed signs that he was ready to stretch out and sleep. Sometimes, like his sister did at that age, Noah would sign “all done” when he wanted to lay down in his crib.
I sat down to nurse Noah and Zoe brought over her rocking chair and nursed her stuffed dog, too. Just like mommy.
Saying Good-bye to Breastfeeding
Six weeks later, we had finally reached that point where I knew Noah had successfully weaned. At 17 months he was no longer showing interest in breastfeeding any more.
He also stopped crying when I would walk into a room, and instead he would simply smile at me, jump up for a hug and then go back to playing with his blocks!
I also started to enjoy more personal time to attend to my needs, and our daily life seemed to settle into a peaceful rhythm, with less crying for Noah, and less stress for all of us.
Even so, the emotional implications of letting go of breastfeeding were very hard. I knew this would be the case. I also knew that no matter when I weaned Noah, I would never *not* feel that deep tug on my heart – that ache that comes from saying good-bye to something so intimate, so maternal, so universally indicative of mothering a tiny child.
When I recognized that there would never be a magical moment when it would feel easy to say good-bye to breastfeeding, it made coming to terms with the process of weaning my son a little easier on my heart.
The Very Last Time I Breastfed My Son
My last nursing session with Noah was in the dreamy hours of a crisp September night, and I knew…
I sat down with him in the rocker, the sound machine offering its rainy tune, the night-light casting little golden flecks across his sleepy face. With his squishy cheek pressed into my breast, his starfish hand clasped around my index finger, and the gentle metronome of his breathing – in and out like waves on my heart, I allowed myself to become fully aware of it all – his very body being nourished by my own.
I turned our intimate space into an altar of worship – saying feel this, let your spirit acknowledge this holy place. I wrote my feelings down with love along the walls of my heart saying to my mind, “remember this moment, forever.”
Noah fell into a deep sleep, as he had so many times before, nestled securely in my arms, latched onto my breast, filled with contentment and quieted with sleep. Ever so slowly his mouth opened, slack-jawed and loose, lost in his slumber, my son took a deep breath stretched out his arms and … unlatched.
I leaned down and pressed my lips against his doughy cheek and I knew. I knew. I knew.
It was the end.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
– Psalm 131:2
This is one of the last pictures taken of me nursing my son. He’s a little over a year here and we were out as a family visiting the Art Institute in Chicago.
The Joy of This 
Loved reading this. I chose not to breastfeed and I admire all mothers who do. Following xx
Thanks so much for sharing this! It makes me weepy, but I don’t think you could possibly have done it any more gently. I hope I can do the same when the time comes. Just thinking about it freaks me out a little, but we are just past eight months so hopefully we can keep it going for a good while yet. I would also love to read how you transitioned from cosleeping to crib sleeping. We fell into cosleeping around four months when he didn’t seem quite as tiny (was in a rock n play sleeper next to the bed before that – we have used our crib for maybe one night and one nap all together!) and had enough head control that I felt comfortable doing it. I don’t really want to stop yet, especially since I’m working full time and I think the night feeds are what keep our breastfeeding really going, but I can foresee the need for him to be in his own room eventually, and I have NO idea how we’ll make that change! (Will look at your archives in case you’ve already outlined this.)
I would like to know aswell how you transitioned from cosleeping. My daughter is 14 months old and sleeps in my bed everynight. She has a toddler bed in the other room. My first step is to stop breastfeeding. After i read your article this has helped me alot. I feel quite emtional about stopping but i myself want my body back.
The description of the last nurse brought tears to my eyes. My dd self-weaned around 17 months but the feelings of the end are just the same.
I agree, Joanna! I had to wipe away tears to finish reading! :'( So beautifully written, though! Makes me truly realize how special the bond between mother and baby is! My ds, who’s almost 4, self weaned around 15 months. It made is easier for me, but it still made me sad. I can relate when you said, “the feelings in the end are just the same”.
My dd is 10 months and still nursing. I dread the day when she will be finished. I hope I can go through it as gracefully as Joy did. <3 We don't plan to have any more children, so this will be bittersweet.
My son is the baby at the top and is 15 months old. We are still at the “give me some more stage” right now. My first self weaned at 13 months when I became pregnant. I think my youngest will nurse until he goes to college if I let him. However, I am begining to feel more like you and I’m shooting for 18 months. This is a great read and advice for when we get there. Thanks and so very sweet.
Absolutely beautiful, Joy. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been on the verge of asking myself if I’m done (he surely isn’t) and I just don’t think I am yet. It’s not a problem until it’s a problem. While nursing a 27 month old seems to be a problem for some family members outside of my immediate household I just don’t see it as a real problem yet. Like Amy, I work full time and my nights cosleeping and nursing my son are so important to me. It’s one of the one ways I feel balanced since I must spend so much time away from him. I so respect your authenticity and courage. Thanks.
That is awesome that you have made it to 27 months, Alison! My goal for now is still one year, with the intent to extend it to 18 months if/when we get there. A big part of me hopes I can keep doing extensions like that, though I try to temper it with low expectations so I don’t end up too crushed if he decides to wean sooner. I too have one particular in-law that I know won’t be impressed if we extend breastfeeding beyond a year or so. When that stupid TIME cover came out with the ‘are you mom enough’ headline my son was a newborn and my BIL sarcastically asked if I was going to breastfeed that long. It took every ounce of restraint not to reply with an equally sarcastic, why should that matter at all to YOU?
I agree with you so much on the balance aspect – there are some nights when I become so irritated and impatient, honestly, with his night wakings, but by Friday I feel like I’ve hardly seen him awake at all the whole week, and I just have to have some patience with myself to remember how much I am treasuring this time while he’s still a baby, and that’s what babies are supposed to do!
I agree wholeheartedly. I remember when my son was your son’s age my supply plummeted for some reason. I never found out why but I worked really really hard to get it back up with success and I thought how thankful I was that we could most likely make it to a year. Then I got nervous around a year b/c the comments started coming. Every conversation revolved/s around “when will he be in his own bed” and “how much longer are you going to let him nurse.” I kept doing little goals like you too – first a month, then six months, then a year, then eighteen months, then two years. Now my goal is three years. I have a great friend who is the only woman I personally know nursing a three year old and it works so well in their family I don’t see any reason why it can’t work for me to. I’m so happy to have her there to normalize nursing a much older kiddo. Who knows, maybe we’ll be fine until four! :)
Wow, that is amazing! High five for really sticking with it. I had a pump fail at around four months and thought it was my supply dropping, thankfully just needed a better pump! Mind if I ask if/when your period returned? We may try for another in another year or so but I have seen no sign of my cycle returning, so I wonder if it would take weaning to get that back in action.
Thank-you for this. Amazing timing as I am feeling the same way about my breastfeeding relationship with my 19 month old. I am no longer loving it and he is upset when he wants to feed and I say no and also when he has had a feed, there is no milk left and he is just using me as a dummy/pacifier and I unlatch him. I feel that it is time to start to wean him and I have not really known how to go about it, as with my first son we came to a mutual agreement when I fell pregnant. It was very easy. This time I know that it won’t be so simple. I had tears in my eyes when you explained about knowing that it was his last feed. I am dreading that moment. My last child. The end of something that I have cherished with both of my boys. Breathe now and let go and go with what feels right for ME at the time. thanks again for sharing.
This was just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing this!
So touching. I’m currently breast feeding my 3 month old and honestly feel a little sad knowing it’ll end one day. I love the bonding quiet time we have.
Joy, I kept coming back to this when pondering on when it’s time to wean our baby. She’s turning 2.5 this week, and despite me leaving town for four days last week she’s still nursing like a newborn. All night, all day, all the time. She sleeps through the night when I’m at a birth but if I’m home then there is no distracting her, so gradual weaning was an utter flop. Today I felt ready, and we’ve made it 10 hours so far. :)
It’s bittersweet, knowing she’s my last baby and I’ve spent 9 years nursing between our six kids. Nine years! I know I’ll miss it, and I’m also SO glad I had Mae Burke do our nursing photo session last year – I treasure those pictures, and would encourage any nursing mom to get some photos of that sweet relationship. (I’ll link to ours, Mae’s whole blog is inspiring and gorgeous.) http://mburke1.photobiz.com/store/?load/blog_detail/page/38433/item/693/heidi–kit—baby–6
Wow. Thanks so much for sharing. The tears just wouldn’t stop coming when I realized that yes, that day last time will come for me too. Thank you for reminding me to treasure those moments and teaching me how to prepare my heart for that day.
I just read your article and it had me both laughing out loud and in tears. This is exactly what I am going through with my 18 month old! He can be perfectly happy and the moment I come into the room he screams for boobies! Him pulling on my shirt in public is a little embarrassing too! I am hoping your gentle approach to weaning will work for me. He is my forth child and thinking about him being my last has me a little weepy!
Hi- I just found this after a google search of ‘weaning at 17 months’ I am also D.O.N.E. I wanted to get to 18 months, but am really struggling. We got back from holiday today, and so tomorrow we start. Thank you for writing this. incredibly touching and relatable. I feel we have a plan x
I hope it goes well for you! Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I relate to your story so much. I feel like I now know where to start!
Out of desperation I was searching for mother-led weaning and was led to your beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Nursing my 18 month old (mine’s a Noah, too!) hasn’t been a joyful experience for some time but I was hesitant to wean him and wasn’t sure how to go about it. There’s not a lot of positive information out there on mother-led weaning and your words are encouraging. Thank you again!
Beautifully written, definitely something I needed to read today. My daughter is 14 months old and we still nurse several times a day but I’m gently eliminating feedings. This post made me feel so relieved that I’m doing the right thing, and to cherish these last weeks forever. Thank you so much.
I’m so glad I read this! Beautifully written, and I also had to wipe the tears away while reading about the last nursing session. My 2nd son is 15 months old and because I went back to work he only nurses in the morning, when I get home from work, and usually but not always before bed. I didn’t nurse my first so I have no experience with weaning. I was happy to find this post! I’ve been going back and forth with the idea if weaning…. I love it and am beginning to hate it at the same time. I’m also wanting to start a new medication not approved for nursing and would like LASIK to correct my vision but I am torn! Unsure if we are going to have more children as we as really struggling with our 3 1/2 yo’a behavior, so this may be my last baby to nurse :( Great read.
This was beautiful. I cried as I read about the last time you breastfed your son… As I lay here feeding my own 9 month old son to sleep. Your writing style is beautiful, as is the relationship you share wih your children.
Thank you for this. I am choosing to wean my son after his first birthday to get control of my obesity. It’s going to be hard on both of us, but your approach seems to be the best I’ve read.
I don’t think I have adequate words to express how grateful I am for this post. I’m co-sleeping with and still breastfeeding my 15-month-old son who is thick in the throes of teething, plus we’ve moved in with our in-laws to reduce financial strain.
The baby has always awoken about three times through the night to nurse (mostly suckle) back to sleep, and for the most part, we both usually fall right back asleep. I’ve been feeling a bit exhausted lately, mostly because of the teething restlessness, partly because my intimate relationship with my husband is definitely suffering. When you live with your in-laws, you don’t get a room to escape to for grown up time while the baby sleeps in your bed.
Anyway, long story short, I found this post hunting for gentle weaning tips, thinking maybe it’s time, and the phrase “The Very Last Time I Breastfed My Son” made me burst into tears. Not a little sniffle, but big sobs. The very idea was kind of unbearable, and I realized I’m really not ready to wean him yet. I think, like you, I’ll probably know when the time is right.
We went through hell learning how to nurse. My nipples were like raw hamburger for about seven weeks when Noah (awesome coincidence, no?) was first born. I was fiercely stubborn, and had lots of support, and we finally saw our way through that to a place where breastfeeding became the blissful bonding experience I had hoped it would be.
I think Noah will be our final baby (I have two stepdaughters too) and so I’m so, so glad that your beautiful post offered the clarity I needed. Thanks for sharing, and for your engaging writing style.
I can really relate to your feelings as well. We struggled with bf too just like you! Great job mama!
Catherine – You took the thoughts out of my head! I’m currently nursing my 15 month old daughter and flirting with the idea of weaning. The way I felt reading about the last time Joy nursed Noah – I decided maybe I’m not quite ready yet, and I’m hoping that I will just ‘know’.
I’m in tears at the last part of your story. I have been having a hard time with nursing lately. Out of the blue. We’ve made it past the 13 month mark but nursing is starting to be a chore, and not enjoyment.
I’m so thankful a friend shared this with me. If you have time, I would really love to hear more about your bedtime routine as well. We co-sleep and I work full time outside the home. We aren’t sleeping well (baby and I) anymore and I would love to work on that as well. But, separately of course.
If you could respond to bresbaubles@gmail.com or http://www.bresbaubles.com- Id’ greatly appreciate it! I’ll share in my mommy groups :)
I have been meaning to thank you for this post for months. I found it by googling “how to gently wean a toddler.” I had been nursing our son for 15 months and knew, as you did, that it was time to stop; he had been becoming increasingly fussy whenever he saw me and would only be satisfied by nursing, and his constant nursing was putting a strain on my relationship with him, my husband, and our older daughter. This post helped me realize that weaning him wouldn’t be the cruelest thing I ever did, and helped me grieve the loss of nursing in a way that I think helped me get through it. Of course your post also made me cry a lot, repeatedly. I love the quote from the Psalms too, and sent it to my mother in law and sisters in law, all of whom have nursed babies beyond 18 months. I’m happy to report that we were able to wean our son without a lot of drama, despite all my worst fears — we were able to distract him when he wanted to nurse, and after a couple of days he just kept on without skipping a beat. So thank you again, because your post helped me get through what was a very emotional time, and provided the encouragement I needed to wean. The post also helped me celebrate the time I spent nursing both my babies (13 months for our daughter; and 15 months for our son) and appreciate it for the special, magical time it was in so many ways.
Ahh! I loved this❤❤❤ so beautiful!!!
I loved this! I’m currently trying to start weening my 16 month daughter. This sounds just like her. Except he also co sleeps! Thanks for the tips!
Also love all your pictures! I wish I would have taken more of her nursing.
My dd is 16 months today. Our relationship is so similar to your’s and Noah’s. It is heartbreaking for us both to let nursing go, but it is straining and stressing to other aspects of our household. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Dear Joy,
Im so happy I fell upon your post. You’ve quieted some of my fears and also brought me to tears…Im at the I’m D.O.N.E. point with my 17 motnh old son but havent started the process yet…mostly because of the ease of breastfeeding (in the middle of the night and to comfort him) but maybe even more about the “letting go” for me. My little guy is an easy going dude and I know he’ll be ok but its hard to commit to even though Im ready.
Reading the end of your article I was in tears because I hadnt let myself think about the last nurse yet. Thank you so much for that and the whole article. I will write that moment on my heart now as well, as I let go of this very special time we share.
Love, Chantel
Didn’t plan on crying when I came to this post…. But totally sobbed at the last part. So touching, so raw, so true.
I’m ready to eliminate our last two nursings (nap and bed time)…. My son has no interest in being done at 17 months but I am for sure. I just have such an emotional time with it. Have been pregnant or nursing for the past 4 (know that’s not as long as some) years and I’m beyond ready for my body to be my own. I feel guilty for that emotion though. Glad I’m not alone.
Thank you for this.
My son will be a year in 2 1/2 weeks. I really planned on him self weaning, but this past month has been so hard with him teething. I get bit at least 5 times a day. He has 8 teeth and he’s not even a year old! I think he’s getting his first set of molars in. I’ve tried everything I could think of to deal with the biting gently. It’s also hard, as it was for you, when I walk into the room he cries and screams until I nurse him. When I’m not in the room, he is fine. I’m getting really close to being done. Most days I love nursing him. It’s so special and it’s our time. But, today has been one of those especially hard days where I want to be done with it. We co sleep and nurse in demand, so I see this being a difficult task. I’m not sure what to do.
My son is 18 months old (in a week) and we started the weaning process a couple of months ago. This is my first child and I don’t really have anyone I know that has nursed (especially this long!). I started VERY slowly. When my LO turned 1 year, I cut out the “just for fun” feeds, and over the last 6 months, I have SLOWLY taken away feedings. We are down to just the bedtime feed. I am sad to see it end and I am scared at how he will handle it… I have been dreading dropping his bedtime feeding. It is a special time for us… I am the only person who has ever put him down at bedtime (due to nursing him), and I know now that will change. However, it just feels like it is time… I cannot express why. I know he isn’t getting all that much milk at the feeding (we have been down to one feeding for over a month now). It is scary, though. It feels like once we do this, there is no going back. We will never have that time together in the same way again. It makes me sad, but I know regardless of when it happens, it will be sad. I don’t know how to be a non-nursing mother! :’)
thank you!!!!!
Here I am, over year after you posted this, Google searching tips on now to wean my 14 month old son, Noah, from the breast. Noah has a 2 1/2 year old brother who I also nursed, so I’ve basically been breastfeeding for over 2 1/2 years straight! I love being able to nurse my babies. But I am DONE!
I swear, when I read this I thought I was reading about my life. My Noah cries every time I walk in the room. He is perfectly happy with everyone else, but bursts into tears whenever he sees me because he wants to nurse. I have resorted to hiding from him at times! As long as he doesn’t see me, he’s happy. And, he nurses a gazillion times a day! More often than my friends who have 8 and 9 month olds! Ugh!
I appreciate your article so much. It inspired me to make the transition. But also reminded me that this is a beautiful gift from God, and once it’s over, it’s over.
I’m crying now :( Great post :) I was looking for how to wean my 14 month old, and the thought makes me so sad. I want my body back. But he gets so excited over his Milkies. Is it never going to be easy?
Thank you Joy for posting this article! Now I am more determined to totally wean my soon to be 16-month old daughter. I started eliminating feedings since she turned one and the only feedings left now is before bedtime and when she wakes up during the night or early morning. I began feeling unhappy about breastfeeding a few months ago. I love my daughter for life but I know I need to take care of my body (and mind!) too so I can serve and love my family better.
Thanks for this gentle reassuring article. My 18 month old also shrills when I am with him. We have already cut out most feeds and are down to morning nap bedtime and middle of the night. Time to cut out morning nurse and head straight to breakfast. I have been pregnant or nursing for 4 years now and it is time for a break.
Thank you so much for this, I’m going to follow your weaning example. Reading your words was like reading my own story and it was reassuring.
Thanks again!
I came across this blog post while searching the web. I am in the exact situation right now with my 17 month old… So reading your words has hit close to home and I think I will try your method. Thank you very much!
Ahh that is beautiful. I have just stopped breastfeeding my 14 month old. I never intended to carry on for so long, we just did (unlike my first). I went to get a tattoo (his handprint next to his brothers yesterday) and didn’t realise that you should not have one if you are breastfeeding. It wasn’t clear as to why, but I came home, read all the research and decided not to take the risk of continuing. Now I’ve read your beautiful memory of the last time that you fed him, I’ve gone back to last night and written down the details of our last time together. Many thanks.
Thank you so much for this. My husband and I felt like it was time but didn’t know how to go about it and after reading this at 3am with my crying son I realized we were going about it all wrong. My boy is almost 17 months and I think it’s more emotional for me than it is for him. Your last breastfeeding session made me cry as I know we are going to get to that very soon. It breaks my heart to hear him crying for mommys milk and I don’t want to just rip it away from him because that’s all he’s ever known. My first two weaned at 10 and 11 months but I don’t remember it being this hard, probably because they took a bottle. My small son takes sippys at lunch and dinner but refuses anything but me at night time, nap time and comfort. I realize now I have to wean him and transition him by slowly taking it away. I’ve learned so much from your blog and I think it will be easier your way. Plus I can’t do this “cold turkey” my breasts hurt so much I had so much relief when I finally offered it to him and he went to sleep peacefully and happy. I’m ready but I’m not ready. It’s just good to read that there are other mommys out there like me. This is such an emotional experience and I don’t think I can do it without your blog/advice. :)
Dear Noah’s mommy..
my tears rolls down when reading your blog. Now im in the phase of mother’s led weaning. And it’s so tough.
By reading this..give me encouragement and support.
Thanks for sharing
Such a touching and informative read. The end though, it makes me want to postpone just a little longer, even though I can feel that the boobs and I are all “fed” up…
This is a very touching story. I sob so deeply. I came acrossed with your post and thanks so much for all the tips. I need these so badly. My daughter will be turning 16 months this month and aiming to wean her before she reach her 18months. Her pedia advised me during her checkup this afternoon to wean her for she’s not getting enough nutrients from my milk, she’s refusing all solid foods that I’m offering her for about 3 weeks already. I am so worried and talked to her pedia. Before, she ate a lot of solid food till a time came that she refused everything except for some yogurt, cheese and packed purees (some fruits with vegetables). Now, the time has come to prepare myself and my baby. Our bonding is so great. I am so emotional that it will now end. Me and my husband started to feed her in a bottle but we ended up like we’ve lost in a battle. Then I realized that it should be gradual. There’s no magic into it. It broke my heart hearing her and begging for her “dede”. Now, I know how to start weaning her. We need to see her pedia after a week hoping that we successfully wean her. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, so inspiring and worth reading! God bless us all in all our journey. There’s no other joy that can be compared in the feeling of being a mom. I’m a fulltime mom of my 2 daughters, one is 4yrs old this April and a 16months old.
Thank you. I am basically doing this exact same plan. You actually gave me the idea of switching up though dropping the morning before dropping the nap one. I had it reversed and it isn’t going that well!
Thank you for posting! This is such a sweet story. I worried I would not be ready to wean when he was but now I am ready and he is not! We too, experience the similar attachment to the boobs & nursing sessions but they are rarely enjoyable for me. I am ready to start this process at 13 months and your article has given me so good ideas to approach it gently. Did he physically fight to nurse when you tried to wean? When I try to stand and bounce my son laying on my shoulder to sleep he constantly tries to ooch is way down to the breast and he is pretty strong. He also tries to pull my shirt and bra down. I don’t know how to stop this without feeling very mean by refusing.
Me too!
this is so nice but i feeling sorry for my boy who just turned 15months n we hope to wean him this coming week love u all
Beautiful story. Lovely reading your special words of the amazingly strong bond between mumma and bubba..i too have been most blessed to have this special connection with my darling boy and we are going through the weaning stage at the moment. Your story has given me lots of helpful advice as well as a beautiful positive view on breastfeeding and weaning. Thank you
i am going on 18 months with my sweet girl, and have about reached the same point. If I’m around, it’s all she wants! As I was reading, I felt like this can work, I can do this, she will be okay. Then I got to the end and am now bawling. Maybe I’ll have her weaned by college!
That was soo beautiful; every word! Im scared of wheaning, and this is the only thing ive read that i could relate to . I hope i can do it as gracefully as u did! I would like to know what songs u sang noah. ….my son is actually named noah too and he is 18 mths…and all he wants to do is nurse! I dont check my email, if u could message me on facebook witth any advice i would greatly appreciate it! Thanks again for sharing!
Wow. Almost caught myself crying in my office! :) That last paragraph is beautiful My daughter is 18 months and is the exact same way. So glad I came across this story. Gives me hope! I love breastfeeding, but like you, im tired of being tired.
Thank you so much!
Oh my goodness, reading this made me so emotional. I never planned on breastfeeding my daughter, but it was very important to my husband, so I agreed. it was the best decision I ever made and I enjoy every minute we spend together. As I am planning on beginning the process of weaning her, I never realized how emotional it could be for me! After reading this, I realize that I am going to need to prepare myself and that my sweet, independent daughter probably isn’t going to be nearly as emotional about weaning as I will be! Thank you for sharing your experience :)
Wow, can I say thank you for this?
It is clear this post has helped a lot of mothers. I appreciate your compassion for yourself and your son on your weaning journey. It was a gift to be able to read about your process. This certainly helped me. Let me explain:
I nursed my first for 3 years plus a few months. It was a super laid back experience. He took to latching like a champ from his first nursing session on. I never had pain. Weaning was slow, and though it was mildly mother-guided in the end, it was so gradual, I didn’t even miss it when it was gone. Fast forward 5 years later, I give birth to my daughter and nursing was a painful struggle from the beginning. My second home birth, my second time breastfeeding a child, and it was so hard. Even after meeting with an IBCLC 3 days postpartum, there was not much improvement. In fact, that IBCLC failed to address some serious milk transfer issues. 18 days postpartum we learn my baby had gained no weight and my milk supply took a terrible hit. I was on an intense bf on demand, pumping 10+ time a day schedule. We supplemented when the Dr. threatened hospitalizing her if she didn’t gain in 3 days. I made an appointment to have her evaluated for tongue tie. Eventually, just before her tongue tie appointment at around 5 weeks pp, I started the medication domperidone and BOOM! Milk supply tripled that night!
Ever since the meds and the tongue tie revision, her weight gain was amazing, but I was thrust into a state of postpartum anxiety that made it hard to function. She turns 1 next month. My PPA has become more manageable. I continue to take the meds, which obviously cost money, and unfortunately the meds also have a side effect of weight gain and retention. I am about 35-40 lbs heavier than I was prepregnancy. I love nursing and nourishing my child, but I know for my sake, we will have to bring this beautiful journey to a close sooner than with my first child. My goal is 16 months and then to wean by 18 months. I am very open to slowing the process if needed. For so many reasons I need my body freed. I need to focus on me and my bodily and mental health.
I appreciate that you come from a passion for birth and childbirth education! You have a wonder blog, I am so glad I found it. Thank you for making weaning a positive process!
I have a 17 month old that would e happy to sit on my knee all day a feed (if I let him)
He also wakes some night once some nights 4 or 5 times.
I’m going to give these steps a go as I’m starting to let myself go and I’m getting sick from all the sleepless nights.
Wow this is so touching. I have a 14 month old son who is showing no signs whatsoever of self-weaning. I’ve been feeling kinda bad about him still nursing because my family’s been hinting that he’s too old. Im torn because a part of me is so ready to be done with it but the other part loves the bonding time when he nurses. Also I have been dreading facing the task of weaning him because i dont look forward to all the crying…( i also co-sleep and nurse him through the night.) After reading this im just taking a deep breath and preparing myself to take it day by day. Im soooo glad there are other moms going through the same thing.
Beautiful story and great advice! My son is 15 mo and I’ve been feeling the same way. It’s nice to know what what we’ve been doing has us going in the right direction. Great to know we’re not alone! Thank you!
Beautiful. *tears* Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for this. I’m am now weaning my second child and it is as difficult as the first. It breaks my heart to see his little face when I refuse to nurse him. He cries over my singing and wiggles out of my hugs. I was on the brink of tears when I found your post on pintrest. Thank you for sharing.
As I lay here nursing my 18 month old, I was dead set on weaning him… Until the last paragraph about the last time you nursed him! Ughhh child lead wearing it is. Haha that made me cry. Hahaha
THANK YOU :-) I needed so badly for someone to share these things with me.
thank you so much for this. i needed this. i was trying to find out how to wean my 18 month old but i was so worried he wasn’t ready. it turns out, im not ready either. i sobbed reading about that final feed. what a beauiful post x
Hello! I am born and live in Croatia so sorry for my English. You said it so good. I breastfed my first till he was almost three years (in the end it was in the morning before work and evening after the bedtime story so it did not get into my day, it was easy) andthen stopped. It hapend when he forgot about it for two days in a row. The third morning he remembered and I said to him that he had finished all the milk…he simply said:”a ok. I get it. I had milk for so long, i simply finished it, there is no more”. And he never asked for more. My doughter is now seven months and she is a “bobbiercotic” too :). I am allready thinking about and fearing it, that day that makes you free and happy and sad in the same moment. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you so much. After reading this I realized I am near, but not quite ready to stop. ( The crying I did at the end made me realize this!) My little guy is 14 months, my goal is to wean sometime before two years of age. Thanks to your post I have a game plan, and a newfound appreciation for how special nursing my baby is! I’m very grateful.
You have helped me so much by this! I was having the same problems and am choosing now to wean to gain some sanity for myself. It is a hard decision and one I am struggling with. You can tell what a compassionate mother you are and your children are very lucky to have you. Thank you for sharing your story, you have made me so much more confident in my choice! God bless!
Yea, crying here. My youngest is 16 months old and I’m having recurring health problems that I have been putting off for too long. I think the days are upon us. We still cosleep though, so I just have no idea how it will even work. I’d like to transition him to the crib but not sure how. I don’t want to change so much for him. My other 2 both self weaned when I was pregnant with the next so this is totally new territory.
. I am making peace with my own desire to wean and the guilt I have for not wanting to endure any longer. My 22 month old is healthy and beautiful and I feel as I have done enough, yet feel so responsible to give more. Thank you for sharing. Your words are beautiful and comforting.
This is exactly what I needed! I have been going through this the past few months. I have gotten to the point where I am OVER it as well. My son just turned 2 in December and that was when I wanted to end nursing all together. We are a week into no feedings and I’ve been thinking “did I do the right thing?”. He woke up very early this morning and that was what he wanted… He cried and cried… Finally I turned on cartoons and he forgot about it. I don’t know if its emotionally the right time for him, but I just felt like it was time. Like you said its so hard to think about it being over and it makes my heart hurt… but I have to stick with it… especially since I’ve made it 7 days already. Thank you for your article. I needed that read in so many ways!
I can’t thank you enough for this. Your realisation is what will help me wean my second boy, now nearly 18 months: “I also knew that no matter when I weaned Noah, I would never *not* feel that deep tug on my heart – that ache that comes from saying good-bye to something so intimate, so maternal, so universally indicative of mothering a tiny child.” Just feeding a bit longer is not going to make that feeling go away! But if we can all sleep better, have more energy in the day and allow for flexible parenting, these benefits I know will outweigh a few more months of breastfeeding. It is hard to say goodbye, but it will be hard whenever it happens. My first I breastfed till 27 months and gently weaned when I was pregnant so he didn’t feel “kicked out” by his baby brother. I was hoping to reach 24 months this time, but circumstances do not really allow. I feel stronger for reading this. Thank you so much!
Thank you. I am in tears reading this. I needed it. I am ready to start this journey & wean my last baby. I am tired. However I am so grateful for the journey I have had with my kids. My daughter self-weaned at 21 mo. so this concept is foreign to me. (She eve completely night weaned herself at 2 mo.) Thank you. This touched me in a way only breastfeeding mothers can understand. Thank you.
I want to thank you for this beautifully written article and gentle approach to weaning. My DS will be 18 months on Sunday and I have been SO D.O.N.E. for a couple months now. He constantly wants to nurse during the day, and always gets up at the same time in the morning to come into bed with me, and won’t stay asleep without a boob in his mouth. His tugging at my shirt all the time really bothers me and he won’t just cuddle, it has to be BOOB! We are temporarily living with my parents for my husbands work, but are back home in March and I have decided that once we are settled back down at home I will start weaning him. I have already breastfed longer then I EVER expected to, and I do have to say that, other than random moments, I have never actually ENJOYED it! So thank you. I will be bookmarking this page for when we are truly ready (I just hope his incisors come in by then!)
Oh my goodness, this is EXACTLY what I’ve needed. I’m still nursing my 5th baby, she’s now 15 months..all my other babies went a year, or a little longer but I would be done then since I had so many little people to take care of. This sweet girl is 7 years younger than my 4th so its been a different experience. It has been mostly a breeze, other than her big front tooth rubbing a bad hole in my left nipple, so I had to completely wean off that side a few months ago. But, somehow we managed to push through with just one side. My problem now is that she wakes up SO often to nurse, at night, and its not quick. It takes like 10 minutes for my milk to even kick in since she’s like pacifying instead of truly sucking. I’ve been so exhausted lately and that’s not fair for anyone in my family since i turn into a bear. So I’ve been desperately trying to figure out how I could nurse her gently…and your blog could be exactly the process I take. I’m ready. Although I kinda want to start with the night time feeds and eliminate the day time ones last. Maybe I’ll just see how it goes tonight. :/
Thanks sooo much!!!
I am in the 15th month of breastfeeding my 3rd child, my little boy. This is the longest I have breastfed! I know we have to wean,( it’s time, he’s 30 lb.)but am having a tough time letting go of that special time, (even through those tough times)! Thank you for this beautiful article, your last session has me in tears!
Bless you!
loved reading your article,,,…..it was very helpful to me.i am also trying to wean my 13 months old baby gal….thank you.
Three years later, I have to echo the other mothers’ comments and thank you for the read as I try not to start openly weeping. I am in the process of weaning my last of three children (yes, THE last!) and, as much as I want to stop breastfeeding, it nearly breaks my heart to think of there being a “last time.” At this moment I’m listening to my 15-month-old cry in his crib after a nursing-free enforced nap time. My momma heart want to run into his room, swoop him up out of the crib, and hook him up for a comfort feed. The other part of me is tired of having J-cup breasts and wearing worn-out nursing bras. It’s definitely time to be done, but it’s SO hard to say goodbye to that part of my life. Thanks for your advice and words of wisdom. :-)
This is the loveliest, gentlest
Way I’ve read on how to wean. I’ve a lil 16month old who loves his mommies Boobies but all good things must come to an end. Thank you for this lovely piece and giving me confidence to say ok I can do this xxx
So touching,am goons try this steps for my son. I was just browsing looking for ways to wean my 16 months old and I came across your piece. Thank you
My son is 15 months old, and I’m having a very similar situation to yours. He cries for nummies when I enter the room, even I he’s just nursed. Your and your son’s story on weaning is very beautifully said and inspritional. You’ve helped me with ideas on how to nurse my son more than you could ever know! Thank you.
You made me cry. My son will soon be 15 months. I have a 17 yr old daughter and a 13 year old son. And then my Julian.14 minths old. He is special. The bond between us is so wonderful. I relate to this story in every way. The minute i walk in he is attached. My husband says…he doesn’t act like this when you’re not here. I love it. The last part of your story really hit home. Im trying to wean off completely. He only breastfeeds at night and naptime. My baby boy
Oh my goodness! This brought me to tears! I need to wean my 3rd baby who is 15 months old and I wasn’t sure how to do it. My other two just naturally weaned their selves around 13 months. This one is no where near interested in weaning, but for reasons, I need her to but didn’t want to abruptly stop because she loves it so much. She is comforted with it! Your story and your advice were wonderful and your last night of nursing brought me to tears! I am going to try your advice and definitely make sure I try to remember every bit of her last!
Thanks for this momma. I was looking for ways to wean my baby..definitely sobbed when I read the last part. Makes me sad that I have to wean him off sooner than I planned, but I have too, for his sake and my sanity.. I have to go back to school and finish my last semester in another country and he will be left here with my parents. It would definitely be much easier and comforting to my sanity, knowing my boy (a few days shy of 18mos) can sleep well with out nursing and especially night feedings and know that he isn’t stressed and crying to sleep, sad and tired. That would definitely take a toll on me while I’m in another country and feeling helpless cause I wouldn’t be able to comfort him. Thanks again for this momma. 😊
I have gone 36 lonnnnnggg months she just hasnt let go no matter how hard I try😥 tomorrow I start a fullt time job and she will be forced to stop then. Feel for her preschool teacher and please pray for us! I have loved the time but I need need my self back!!! Loved this article I will try using and hope this works! Thanks!!
3 years. ….😘Kuddos to you mommy. Here i am tired at 15 months. I breastfed my daughter for 22 months and it felt like forever.
prayers for u and your little one. I went cold turkey with my daughter but it wasn’t a good idea..
Aww loved all the pictueres. I am done nursing my 15 months old son too. I love bfeeding but i need sleep to run around two toddlers at home. We tried our first day today so lets see how long does it take.
I’m preparing myself to wean my son now. And I know there will be mixed feelings, excited to “have my body back,” but also sad that this time in our lives is over. The last part of this article made me cry. A lot. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Wow awesome plan! My son sounds very similar to yours and is my third, so exhaustion is too gentle a word for my current state. Thankful for a gentle yet doable plan to wean him. It gets so frustrating that every time I ask another mother about weaning I get the “why would you wean. Breast is best” conversation. Glad to finally find an alternative response that does not involve long days of baby screaming or letting him naturally wean(which is just not happening).
Thank you sooooo much Joy for sharing, so incredibly beautiful and made me feel so uplifted positive and determined to do this while at the same time had me sobbing for hours. Thanks also for the Psalm.