The Discipline of Hope | Facebook Sucks Your Life Out

20 Aug


I don’t miss Facebook. Not like I thought I would. In fact, I’ve been doing just fine without the additional noise of Facebook in my world. The friendships that are most valuable to me, and that Facebook helps me feel connected to, are still just as valuable to me. Facebook is not the string the holds important friendships together. And if that’s all it takes for a friendship to feel alive to me, then I question the strength of my friendship with that person, or the strength of my own effort to connect with my friend in a context that doesn’t include the internet.

The other thing I don’t miss is the pressure to keep up. To make sure I comment on someone’s picture or clever post, otherwise I’ll seem rude or not interested. There’s so much more space in my head to give to other possibilities of the moment.

I’m happier with who I am because I don’t have the ever high Facebook measuring rod. The presented perfection of photos where you look “just so” and your children are perfect, and your home is a castle and your husband is a hunk. I’m happier without having to measure up to the perfection that we (all) present on-line.

I’m also happier because I’m judging you less based on your flaky posts, or political posts, or offensive posts on religion, or welfare losers, or president Obama. I am happier without knowing your views on everything.

I’m happier spending my morning cuddled up with my kids watching Baby Einstein and telling Zoe how to spell “leopard” 18 different times. I’m happier living that moment fully, rather than updating my status on what it is that I’m doing.

I’m happier spending my evenings in bed, teeth brushed, face washed, lamp on, reading a book I bought two months ago that I’m finally enjoying, blazing through the words and savoring every last morsel of “Namesake.” I’m happier not feeling the need to make sure you know about how cultured I am because I’m reading a book.

I’m happier spending my mornings writing for my blog – and not hitting publish. Just writing for the love of it. Because sometimes words are more precious when they’re not shared with everyone.

I’m happier spending saturday afternoons watching movies with Peter in bed, and laughing afterwards, cuddled under the covers, windows open, curtains blowing in the wind, Nutmeg hogging the bed, my laptop nowhere to be found.

I’m happier because I’m realizing some baggage in my life is simply habitual, and not deep-seated. That sometimes it’s simply a choice to not pack it all in. To choose what my heart feasts on.

I’m happier not reading that news piece about the drug mother who sold her infant daughter into sexual slavery in America. I’m happier not reading every blog about every child who is fighting a terminal and surprising illness, and every mother who is hanging on by a thread through it all. I’m happier not being scared to death that it might happen to me, or my kids.

I’m happier not feeling compelled to convince you that obstetrics and midwifery in America need to change. I’m happier not trying to stand on my own soap box.

And while I know things must change, and injustice exists and should be acknowledged and needs a voice, I’m happier not letting my small flame be consumed with the sea of wrongdoing in the world.

Because sometimes choosing to keep my focus on the beautiful and sublime is just as much a discipline in self-sacrifice as speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

There is a sacrifice and cost in choosing hope, in making an effort to think on these things:

Things that are true, things that are honest, things that are good, things that are beautiful, things that are inspiring, things that are healing, things that are hopeful.

This is my discipline. Steering my heart towards hope, beauty and peace.

May peace spread its wings over the expanse of my heart. May it rise from the ashes of self-doubting, and may it ever be held with hands of hope.

Ever learning,

joy.

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Ten Tips for Smart Thrifting

15 Aug

A few months ago I gave myself a challenge: get dressed in something other than yoga pants for 30 days straight. I did fairly well, and managed to get dressed in real clothes every single day of that challenge (and have continued since). Much of what I wear, probably 75%, is thrifted. A lot of readers noticed this during my 30 day fashion challenge and asked me to share some of my thrifting tips. Here are my ten tips for smart thrifting.

1. Find the right store for your particular needs. We go to most of the thrift stores in the area to get a sense of what they offer. We find out which ones carry good prices and clean inventory on things like furniture, kitchen ware, baby items, clothing, electronics, and books.

Some thrift stores have great prices on clothes but poor prices on furniture; we make note of these particulars and keep them in mind when we’re making our rounds. If there’s something we’re looking for, like a piece of furniture, we’ll skip the ones that have outrageously priced used furniture and head to our local Savers. They always have good prices on furniture (but not so great on clothing). We found this vintage armchair for 20 dollars last week. Score!

My new vintage armchair works perfectly in my living room!

2. Go often. For any good find to be had you have to be there at the right time. Visiting your local thrift stores frequently helps ensure that you’ll find that diamond in the rough. Peter and I make a point to go to our local thrift stores about once a week. We don’t always need something when we go, and we don’t always make a purchase, but we always enjoy our venture out. A quick once through the store to see if there’s anything that looks like a winner – meaning the right item at the right price takes no time at all.

3. Make a quick sweep through the store. Walk quickly through the main departments of the store. Scan through the aisles, as you do pick up what you like and place it in your cart. Don’t worry, you won’t be buying it all, hopefully! This quick run through helps you find any stand out items right away before someone else does.

4. Find a specific section of the store that you’re interested in and focus your time there. Once you’ve done your quick sweep through the store, making sure that you didn’t miss any golden opportunities, focus your time in the place that you enjoy the most, or need the most. Maybe that’s looking at household goods, books, or baby items. You decide. And when you come often you can easily spot what’s fresh on the store shelves.

5. Don’t waste time by sorting through clothing racks.  This is the one thing that has changed my world as a thrift shopper. A lot of people will tell you the one way to find good clothes at thrift stores is to go through each clothing item on the hanger one-by-one. I disagree.

Instead, slowly walk through the aisle, and look at the top and the bottom of the clothing that’s hanging from the racks. If you know you hate polyester blended prints, than you can immediately see those items hanging and skip them. If you know you love cotton stripes, polka dots, or cornflower blue, when you see those things, stop, pull out the hanger, look it over, see if you like it, and if you do place it in your cart. (Don’t deliberate over the item, just keep moving through the aisle.)

Let me explain further. With jeans, I know I love a wide waist band and dark denim. I don’t have to look at every pair of jeans on the rack to see which ones have a wide waist band and or are a dark wash. I can see those details as I walk through.

Additionally, I may also slowly walk my fingers across the rack of clothing to get a sense of the texture of the clothing. I like worn cotton and soft linens. My sense of touch tells me when I found a winner just as much as my eyes do.

Scanning the jeans aisle with my son in tow.

6. Know your size and fit, and skip the dressing room. Unless absolutely necessary, I don’t try on clothes. You may think that’s a pricey mistake to make (potentially) but I’m okay risking it – especially when I know the return policy of the store. I have learned which brands fit in what way. I know when I see Gap “Curvy” jeans, which size is good for me. Likewise, I also know when I see Target brands which fits run big and which ones run small, and I make my choices accordingly. I only go to the dressing room when I really need help figuring out if something is worth it or not, or if I am really stumped on the fit of an item.

Scanning the women’s shirts, I found a color and texture that I like, so I pulled it out for a closer look. Unfortunately, it wasn’t right for me.

7. If you must use the dressing room, dress with quick changes in mind. There was a time when I always tried everything on. That was before I shopped with children. Now my time is too valuable, and my children don’t have the patience to wait on mommy while I sort through ten different items in the dressing room. If you can’t give up the dressing room, I suggest you dress with simplicity for your thrift shopping adventures. Slip on shoes and a tank dress were my go to uniform when I was shopping for clothes. I could try on jeans without even taking off my dress, and I would know just by the way the jeans hugged my thigh if they fit right or not – that move takes all of ten seconds.

8. Sort through your items at the end of your shopping experience, not during. When we’re finally ready to go, my husband and I meet together and pow-wow over the items that are in our carts. We show each other our selections, ask each other what our opinions are on things. We talk about the price of an item, its value to us, and then we glean through and get rid of anything that doesn’t keep our attention or affection. We always try to put everything back that get’s vetoed, however for clothing if we can’t remember where we found it, we place any unwanted items on the rack outside the changing room.

Sorting through the items in my cart. This shirt didn’t make the cut. I already own too many like it.

9. Sign up for the mailing list and get the membership card. A lot of thrift stores have special sale days like 50% off the entire selection in the store. You’ll know about this deal ahead of time by joining the mailing list. Many thrift stores will offer a discount card offering deals based on how much you shop there. Some thrift stores even offer a shopping discount if you donate items, so be sure to know what perks are available to you.

10. Make friends with the owner and shop workers. Keep the store’s number in your phone and call in if you’re looking for a specific item, this can save you a trip. Also, don’t be afraid to ask when new furniture gets placed on the floor or when amazing donations are made that highlight certain items you’re looking for. Being a loyal customer and getting to know those who work at the store are good ways to get inside information.

I hope my thrifting tips help you in your own second-hand shopping journey. Now go out there and find your bargains!

P.S. For the time being I’m taking a Facebook break, so if you would like to comment please do so on the blog (and not on Facebook) so I can see your thoughts. Thanks!

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Taking a Facebook Hiatus

10 Aug

A little late night blog writing where I say “Adios, Lovah.”

Our four-week road trip had its valleys and its peaks. There were a lot of really tough moments on this trip for all of us, but it seemed especially for our youngest, Noah, that he just wasn’t okay with leaving his daily routine in his lovely home.

I can’t tell you how many times into the trip that we thought about turning around and coming back home. When you’re with a toddler that’s unhappy and you’ve got to travel 2500 miles round trip and you’re staying in homes you begin to question the task in front of you.

In fact, one really horrendous night where my coping skills had been entirely spent, I clicked “pay” to book a ticket to fly home with Noah, because I knew I couldn’t continue to deal with a very cranky toddler and another 2.5 weeks left of road tripping it. (There was an internet error and the ticket wasn’t purchased, crazy huh?)

But, we pushed through. And holy smokes it was worth it all. It was worth it because we got to live through a couple of life changing and incredibly redemptive moments together as a family, moments I simply don’t feel at liberty to talk about because, wow, people read my blog and I’m struggling to be personal here these days.  (It’s a catch 22 isn’t it, this blogging thing.)

Anyway, four weeks later,we’re home and now my son, who before we left for our trip would happily go to bed without being rocked to sleep, now seems to cry at the very idea of going to bed, and he now wakes about 3 times a night, since coming home (which is still less than it was while we were road tripping it).

But you know what? This is mothering. It’s full of ups and downs, and seasons and growth, and hardship and satisfaction. I would be silly to expect otherwise. I accept this path, and I love my son for bringing me to a greater place of empathy towards his needs and the plight that other women with high-needs children go through. (More on that later.)

The other night, while I was rocking Noah for about an hour helping him to calm down and go to sleep, there was just one thing on my brain.

I must get rid of Facebook.

I’m not sure that I would call it a moment of clarity, and I have no idea why it was then that I thought this, but it was perfectly clear, in that moment at 3 AM, I wanted to send my Facebook account down the drain with the rest of all the fluff the internet distracts me with.

It’s like a 24-hour buffet of hit-or-miss food and I just can’t stop eating there.

I need to unplug from Facebook and I need to reconnect with things that I can touch and hold. I need more space to nurture my well-being and to replenish my coping skills – to fill up my cup. I need more time to write, or maybe just to sit on the couch and do nothing but listen to the quiet of my kids asleep, and the gentle song on the radio and smile at the dog – without a laptop within arms reach.

I feel like Facebook is a dual edged sword and there are days when I love the community that I have there and then there are days when it’s stealing my time and resources from my family, loved ones, and myself.

I’m not sure that stopping Facebook will help me achieve reconnection and healthy emotional nurturing, but it’s going to certainly give me more free time. And I need to have time where I don’t feel compelled to prove anything, or driven to keep my feed interesting, or have to chug out one more hit meme.

I need more time to heal, to regather, to listen, to play with my kids, to go to the gym, to read books from the library, to meditate, to cook, to put away laundry, to go to bed earlier and to start my day with a cup of coffee in my hand and a smile on my face, and not wonder about what’s happening in the thunderdome (i.e. Facebook).

In the meantime, I hope to do more blogging. There’s been a lot going on in my head and in our corner of the world and I’ve simply failed to share it, because well, I’ve got all these new folks reading my blog, and that’s kind of freaky, and heck my parents read this, and so do you, and what the what will you think of me if I start to get personal here. (That’s just a rhetorical question, as if showing pictures of me giving birth wasn’t personal enough.)

For now, I plan to hand my Facebook over to Peter. He’s going to create a password for my account that I won’t know. This will allow me to link up my blog posts to my Facebook pages and feeds, but not have the opportunity to invest additional time in the virtual world instead of my real world.

That means for the next couple of weeks I’m not going to see or read any comments on my pages, so if you want to comment, please do so on these blogs.

I hope to write again. I mean really write, but even then, if I don’t it’s okay. What I really hope to do is feel okay again, to regain my coping skills. And part of that will be found when I turn off some of the outside noises and find contentment in little things, allowing me to be more present in the life right in front of me.

Until then, this weekend I’m signing off – it’s going to hurt so good.

joy.

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13 Billion Saved Annually if Mothers Would Breastfeed

12 Jul


I’ve known for a while, thanks to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, that the US would save a whopping 13 billion dollars a year if 90% of mothers could (or would) breastfeed their babies exclusively for the first six months of life.  Not only that, but 911 infant lives would be saved annually.  This profound bit of information shows us the impact that breastfeeding can make for not only a child, but for our entire population.  With this information in mind, I sat down and created this meme shown above.

I’ve also included a portion of the abstract from the study cited above:

Results: If 90% of US families could comply with medical recommendations to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, the United States would save $13 billion per year and prevent an excess 911 deaths, nearly all of which would be in infants ($10.5 billion and 741 deaths at 80% compliance).

Conclusions: Current US breastfeeding rates are suboptimal and result in significant excess costs and preventable infant deaths. Investment in strategies to promote longer breastfeeding duration and exclusivity may be cost-effective.

Source: click here to read original abstract.

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