Things have been difficult lately. Noah cries all day long, for the most part. I am feeling like a captive in my own home. I love him, no question. (And I’m not looking for advice on colicky babies – gentle thanks.) But I am looking forward to being out of the newborn stage. It’s okay for me to admit that I don’t really enjoy the infant stage very much. I love being a mom, but this puts the heart in a humble place.
With that in mind, I stumbled upon a comment I posted on this blog: http://greatsmitten.com/2010/05/24/the-danger-of-hopelessness/
“Sam Phillips has this great song where she sings, “Help is coming, one day late.” I know that sense of feeling like God is a day late and a dollar short. Somehow even in those moments I stumble about with my heart bleeding saying to God that, “I believe, but forgive my unbelief.” Over the Rhine has a song too, where they sing, “I’m not letting go, I’m just losing my grip.” I remind myself that I’m not responsible for being my own superhero when it comes to managing my faith, because I believe that God’s okay with my honest heart and my broken faith. There is tremendous value in sifting through the questions that moments of despair lead us to. God already knows what’s in our heart and it takes sifting for us to realize our own humanity.”